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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28477533">miss</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ha_YouWish/pseuds/Ha_YouWish'>Ha_YouWish</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Character Study, Gen, Mentions of Suicide, POV Second Person, au where neku is a little more open to the idea of shooting josh, but like not enough, but you can guess that, inner conflict, listen they implied it in-game its not my fault, no beta we die like neku... twice, part of an au but it works on its own so here, two different pov characters</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:14:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,690</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28477533</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ha_YouWish/pseuds/Ha_YouWish</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Joshua reveals himself to be the Composer, Neku has two choices: kill Joshua and save Shibuya, or don't and die along with his friends.</p><p>This shouldn't be such a hard decision, and yet...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hanekoma Sanae &amp; Kiryu "Joshua" Yoshiya, Kiryu "Joshua" Yoshiya &amp; Sakuraba Neku</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>miss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>;) was i putting off on my other fics by writing this? yes. happy new year everyone! its 4:30am haha</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You can’t believe any of this is real. </p><p> </p><p>The Composer is Joshua. He killed you. He wants to destroy Shibuya. </p><p> </p><p>Your hands shake with the cold metal in them. You breathe heavily as tears cause your vision to blur. You do not want to die. You have never been more enraged. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>He killed you—</b>
</p><p><em> You’ve tried to kill him too. </em> </p><p>
  <b>—and everything you’ve come to care about will be gone.</b>
</p><p> </p><p><b>But that can change if you pull the trigger.</b> </p><p>
  <em> But do you really want to kill him? </em>
</p><p> </p><p><b>He’s the reason you died, the reason this damn Game keeps going on and on. He’s why so much tragedy has happened, why everything you’ve ever known will die.</b> </p><p>
  <em> He’s the reason you care about it in the first place. You related to him and his views about other people, but didn’t that make you realize that something might be wrong with those ideas? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>The person you are now is because of Shiki, someone else who will die with Shibuya’s destruction.</b>
</p><p>
  <em> The person you are now is because of your own decisions. Maybe without influence, you wouldn't have made them. But without your own choices, you wouldn’t even care enough to argue with yourself about this.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p><b> <em>You’re already sick of this.</em> </b> </p><p> </p><p><b>You really want to hate him.</b> </p><p>
  <em> But you don’t. </em>
</p><p> </p><p><b>You have to shoot him. You have to save Shibuya.</b> </p><p><em> You have to kill your partner. You have to finish what you never should have tried to start. </em> </p><p> </p><p>You recoil at that thought, because something in you still trusts him. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>You hate that you still care. He doesn’t deserve it. </b>
</p><p>
  <em> Caring just began to finally feel nice again. You only hate that it hurts. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>In the end, it always hurts. </p><p> </p><p><b>you</b><em> don’t</em> <strong>w</strong><b>ant</b> <strong>t</strong><b>o</b><b><em> kill </em><em>him</em></b> <b><em><br/></em></b></p><p> </p><p>With shaky arms, you hold up the gun. Joshua is smiling, that kind of smug smile that infuriates you just enough. Because he thinks this situation is amusing, it sparks just enough anger.</p><p> </p><p>Just enough to pull the trigger. </p><p> </p><p>The gunshot rings out, it echoes. The cold metal feels too hot to touch in your hands and you drop the gun. Watching it clatter to the ground, tears and shock blurring your eyes, you wonder what the fuck is wrong with you. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Neku…” you hear from in front of you. You look up and see Joshua. Alive.</p><p> </p><p>You fucking <em>missed.</em> A hysterical laugh bubbles up in your throat, but it doesn’t make it out. You feel relief, you feel anger. You feel horrified at yourself. </p><p> </p><p>The horror that’s twisting up all your guts inside and making you want to scream with all the disgust you have for yourself must be from the fact that you even chose to pull the trigger. It must be at the fact that you just tried to kill someone. It must be because now you’ve tried to kill someone you almost considered a friend <em> twice </em> . <em> (It must be that you are a terrible person). </em> </p><p> </p><p>Because otherwise, it means the reason you’re so horrified and filled with disgust and guilt is because you missed your one and only shot. Because it means you feel this way because Joshua <em> isn’t </em> in a crumpled and bloody heap on the cold floor. Because it means that you failed to save Shibuya and everyone in it. <b>(It means that you are a terrible person).</b> </p><p> </p><p>You hate that you know that both reasons are true. </p><p> </p><p>Joshua is watching you, no longer smiling in that usual smug fashion. His face is an irritated frown. No, it’s the epitome of barely-concealed anger. That’s when you finally realize what he really wanted from you. This wasn’t just a game to him, but an execution for one of two terrible people. </p><p> </p><p>You could almost laugh, <em><strong>at least he knows it.</strong></em></p><p> </p><p>Joshua stalks toward you and you suddenly feel frozen on your feet. If you never dropped your gun, you might’ve had another shot. You hate that the thought is in your head now. <em>You feel horrible for even thinking about it.</em> <b>You feel horrible for not thinking of it sooner.</b> </p><p> </p><p>The Composer stops in front of you, the barrel of the gun in his hand is aimed point-blank at your chest. He speaks in an almost wistful tone. If you weren’t getting so acquainted with the emotion, you might not have been able to hear the underlying rage within his next words. </p><p> </p><p>He sighs, “You shouldn’t have missed, Neku.”</p><p> </p><p>The Composer shows no hesitation when pulling the trigger. The gunshot echoes, and you really wish it wouldn’t. </p><p> </p><p>You can’t breathe. Joshua turns away and you <em> can’t breathe. </em> You don’t really feel betrayed. You knew what would happen if you failed to kill him. <b> <em>You regret your decision,</em> </b> but you aren’t sure which one.  <b> <em>You’re relieved that you won’t have to live with it for much longer.</em> </b> </p><p> </p><p>The shock starts to break and you stumble forward, pain exploding from your chest. You fall into a heap on the ground, not even bothering to make a noise in pain. You had wondered if dead people could bleed. Looks like you have your fucking answer.</p><p> </p><p>You want to still be angry, you want to feel so much rage at being put in this situation. But you just feel tired. So, so <em> tired. </em> </p><p> </p><p>In your failing vision, you see a familiar face, smiling sadly down at you next to Joshua’s turned form. You can’t tell if you’re just hallucinating at this point, but seeing Mr. Hanekoma gives you comfort. You close your eyes as your mind becomes harder to think through. </p><p> </p><p><b> <em>You do not open them again.</em> </b> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>You turn away from the dying form of your proxy. There had been only two options that your proxy needed to choose between. Killing you and becoming Composer, or not killing you and leaving Shibuya to die with him. Either way, you would get what you want.  </p><p> </p><p>Technically, he chose the latter option. And since he chose an option you so graciously provided, you should not feel so angry. </p><p> </p><p>And yet you do. </p><p> </p><p>“So, you’re goin’ through with it?” And then there’s Hanekoma. </p><p> </p><p>“Of course I’m going through with it.” You say through gritted teeth, “He didn’t kill me.”</p><p> </p><p>Hanekoma crosses his arms, “Shibuya ain’t looking very destroyed, J.”</p><p> </p><p>“Would you like me to speed up the process?” </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t get hasty, now.” He backs off, before giving you an odd look. “You seem a little annoyed there.”</p><p> </p><p>That’s putting it lightly. “He didn’t take this seriously.”</p><p> </p><p>“You really think that?” He asks you, taking a step forward to look over your proxy’s body, not yet erased. “Think that all that turmoil inside was him not taking this seriously?”</p><p> </p><p>You feel ready to snap something back at him, but you refrain. You don’t have a temper, you’re always hiding your feelings and waiting things out patiently. It comes with the job. You don’t like how close you are to losing your cool in this situation, you need to win back control. </p><p> </p><p>“He obviously wasn’t when he pulled the trigger,” You lie. “Otherwise he might not have missed.”</p><p> </p><p>Hanekoma barks out a short laugh, and you shove down your obvious annoyance towards him. “You think he missed on <em> accident?” </em> </p><p> </p><p>You do not respond, pushing down any emotion with a roll of your eyes. <strike> (Sarcasm has always been a way to hide, hasn’t it?) </strike></p><p> </p><p>He stands, facing toward you. “With a couple of feet between you, and with how capable Neku is, you think he shot and missed you accidentally? That’s bullshit, Josh, and you know it.”</p><p> </p><p>You should probably respond by now. The argument is stuck in your throat. <strike> (Because maybe this is the time someone will actually call you out on everything you’ve hidden away.) </strike> </p><p> </p><p>Like expected, Sanae Hanekoma continues to read you like a fucking book. “You’re angry because you know he aimed away at the last second, when you thought you were finally gonna die. You’re angry ‘cuz he made you realize you don’t really want to.”</p><p> </p><p>You stop. Trying to argue, trying to think, trying to breathe, whatever it is you’re doing, you stop. If anyone were to know you better than you know yourself, it’d be him. Otherwise, his words wouldn’t hit you so hard.</p><p> </p><p>Your proxy lies in a puddle of blood on the floor. Your city is taken over by your Conductor’s attempt to stop you. You do not want to die. You have never been more enraged.</p><p> </p><p>Your anger does not cloud your vision, but clears it. You hate that you don’t want to die, that causing Shibuya’s decline to run so parallel to yours is not enough, that you’d have to do much more than even that. You were so prepared to be erased in one way or another, but you thought to yourself that maybe it’d be better if Neku did it instead of you. Destroying Shibuya would get rid of all the corruption, but handing it over to Neku could also have the possibility of it being rebuilt into a much better city. </p><p> </p><p><strike> (You’re lying to yourself again. It’s better to let someone with clean hands be stained with your blood, to keep it from being tainted with the blood of the others that stain your own. You are selfish.) </strike> </p><p> </p><p>You convinced yourself that your death would forever be for the greater good. To make it seem like it was part of some greater plan of saving Shibuya, when really it was an excuse to die.</p><p> </p><p>And now you don’t want to do that anymore. You don’t even want to be <em> angry </em> anymore. </p><p> </p><p>“Shibuya has changed,” you begin, because you know it’s true. “There… might be things about it worth saving.” You cannot say that about yourself. The image of conflicting rage and regret on Neku’s face flashes in your mind. “…and things worth making up for.” </p><p> </p><p>You look down at Neku, still unerased. You had previously ignored the fact that he’s still held together by your own subconscious power, the part that already knows your answer. </p><p> </p><p>You choose not to destroy Shibuya. </p><p> </p><p><strike> (You try not to think about the fact that <em>he</em> will still hate you.) </strike> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>so the end result is the same, technically (bc i dont think i could just write this ending in total destruction). however things would definitely change in how neku feels towards josh and vice versa. a lot of Contradictory kind of feelings lmao.</p><p>if some things dont exactly line up with canon (for example, references to neku trying to kill joshua before) that's because this was originally part of a different au that i haven't uploaded oops. i thought this worked anyways...</p><p>let me know what y'all think and have a nice day</p></blockquote></div></div>
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